Starting Weight: 200 lbs
Weight Loss this Week: 10 lbs
Current Weight: 190 lbs
My mom always told me that when I lose weight, I shouldn't think of it like that. I'm not losing a part of myself, I'm finding out who I truly am. I'm starting to think she's right.
This last week has probably been the hardest of my entire life (minus when my appendix ruptured 2 and a half years ago). Starting off with a half hour on the first day, a mixture of bike and treadmill, I felt like my heart was going to leap across the room, then come back and punch me in the face. In other words, I thought i was gonna die. My sister was so proud of me that she couldn't stop smiling. After being here almost a week I never thought I could do this. And I never would've started without her. Lauren is 9 years older than me, and she's married and has a sweet little baby. I've come to visit her in Utah for the summer, and she's been telling my mom for months that when I come out here I better be expecting to work my butt off! And by that I mean working out twice a day and eating hardly anything :) My reply when mom told me was, "of course, no problem," not really scared but not pumped. I tried to forget about it.
The reason that I tried to forget about it is simple. I started gaining weight in the third grade and so I've always hated(with a passion) exercise, and ate when I was sad or just cause I was bored. Portions were not an issue because I pretty much never knew what those were. Growing up with 5 siblings, it meant that eating everything on your plate was the biggest deal ever. You also ate as freaking fast as you could so you would get the "best stuff". So as you can tell, with hating exercise and no portion controls, I was going to eat everything in sight and gain weight without knowing the future effects of it.
Well, now I know those effects. I feel unattractive because of my weight. I can't look at the teeny girls at school without wondering how they got that lucky as to be small. I covet their smallness, how they never would have to worry about the possibility of not having children because of their weight, or guys not wanting to date them. I am 17 and I'm not diabetic yet, but I could get there. I could die young and it would all be because of how much fat I have on my body. And for everything that I've got going for me already(hinting sarcasm), I'm not happy! By nature I have an upbeat attitude and like to make others smile, but on the inside I'm not there. It's not as if I'm suicidal, but I can't keep living like this. Something needs to change.
The answer was staring me in the face but I never wanted to look at it. It was ME that needed to change. My attitude, my lifestyle.
Since being in Utah my attitude and lifestyle have been transformed. With a different environment, with a bunch of health nuts whom I love with all my heart, it hasn't been easy. But I've realized if I don't do something about it now, nothing will ever change. I will continue to gain weight, and probably die in my 50's. So now, the change has begun!
I now work out twice a day, an hour each time, with cardio in the morning, and then some more at night with alternating abs, legs, or arms. My sister pushes me on the cardio, and my brother-in-law on the other stuff.
Side Note= I HATE WORKING OUT! it's the hardest thing ever!!!!!
And to continue off of that note..... with the hatred also comes my love of the results. On the first day when I thought I was gonna die from running for 3 minutes, and then 5, with walking in between, On this 6th day I KNOW I won't die. And that's because I'm getting stronger everyday. Today total I ran for 27 minutes all together with 12 in the morning and then 15 tonight. I was able to breathe better, and I know I'll only improve from here. that's not to say that I hated every single minute of running, and working my legs, and feeling as if i have asthma, but it's only a minuscule part of my day. And once that pain's over, I feel better afterwards.
Another Side Note(sorry): to quote legally blonde, "exercising releases endorphins. Endorphins make people happy! happy people just don't kill their husbands :)
So at the beginning when I said that I'm unhappy? it's getting better! Because exercising releases endorphins!!
Another thing? Everyday I notice something small that others wouldn't which makes it aaaaaaall worth it. Today it was that my legs don't touch as much as they used to. Yesterday it was that my double chin only looks like a little chubby now! Hopefully at the end of this week I will be fitting into those size 14 jeans at Rue 21!!!!!
The only thing is, I'll be leaving my sister soon. Going back to California. When that happens I'm terrified of failing. Of gaining it all back, and losing everything I've worked so extremely hard for. So I won't let it happen. I can't. My sister taught me that. With all my heart I need this year weight loss goal to work out. If I want to make a life for myself in the future, a lasting one, I have to get this accomplish NOW. So, to do that, here are the specifics:
Starting Weight: 200 lbs
Week 1 Weight loss: 10 lbs
Current Weight:190 lbs
Weight Goal: 120 lbs
Weight Left to Lose: 70 lbs
Weeks Left: 51
Work Out: 2 hours a day, once in the morning and once at night.
Eating:SMALL PORTIONS. only chicken, fish, turkey, and veggies. (for someone who loves food, this sucks.)
Now let the journey begin!!!! It's gonna be tough, I'm not gonna want to always do it. I have my family though, and I'll always be grateful to my sister and her sweet husband for starting me. And when it all comes down to me dying or living, I choose life every time. God sent me here for a purpose and I won't throw it all away because I'm lazy. So here goes. I'm gonna let myself do it. I'll MAKE myself do it. 80 lbs was where I started, only 70 to go. Follow my journey.
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